The Outer Sunset Has FREE Curbside Parking Right By The Beach.

25 03 2009

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How beautiful is that?

I grew up in Hawaii and San Diego so I grew up around this happy-go-lucky, tropical, party beach culture and was kind turned-off and a little frightened by Ocean Beach when I first moved here. Most of the time it’s really foggy and overcast. Like if London and Russia combined forces to bioengineer the most depressing beach possible. Anyone touching the water had bodysuits, homeless people constantly swimming MUNI upstream to die alone, and Elliot Smith haunted that walkway.

Guys walking by themselves.
Wearing sunglasses and staring at the ground.
Thinking about all the mistakes in their life.
As they walked past tagged-up dead beached whales.
Before being jacked-up from behind.

It was kind of a downer beach.

But I discovered quickly that even on foggy summer days the beach was beautiful at night. I could open any window of my house and hear it all night. I could hear any car that drove by me from at least a few blocks away, but I could hear the ocean all night.

And on sunny weekdays this place is a beautifully eerie and deserted rust bucket. I love it.

This is The Great Highway.

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I was here when the Burning Man People had a free art opening for the first of their new bonfire pits last year.

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It was WINDY AS FUCK. I remember almost Burning Man dust storm conditions with this Crazy Turrets Homeless Dude drawn to the fire that would not shut up. Unsuspecting couples would be walking up to the fires from out of the dust storms and thinking that Crazy Turrets Homeless Dude was part of the local Burning Man charm without realizing that local rangers had told Crazy Turrets Homeless Dude to shut up while other people were giving speeches at least 3 times now and it wasn’t working. There was instant blind cooperation among strangers and the local Sunset beach cops busting DPW guys for drinking on the beach. Proof that The Universe really does have a sense of humor. I thought it was a nice effort on the Burning Man People’s part, but honestly I wondered how long the fire pits would survive before being tagged-up or destroyed. But check it out now that it’s completed in 2009 –

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Nowhere near the level of trash that used to collect around the old city bonfire pits and no tagging! That’s amazing.

I like this partially bloomed flower / acorn design the best.

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That 45-degree angle is a great design and is a hell of a lot more practical in blocking the wind, which is essential to starting and maintaining your fire under windy as fuck conditions. I was cruising by at 4:20 and there was already a fire going in the acorn fire pit with girls playing music and dancing nearby.

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Good times.

Also, by Burning Man People I mean a combination of The Black Rock Arts Foundation and Burners Without Borders. I just like referring to them as Burning Man People, which has a nice ring to it. Like Children of The Corn.





Lords Of Sunset

23 03 2009

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I love the wide-open streets of The Sunset. I know that bugs some people who argue that we could easily put in a median divider with trees but I like it just the way it is. Maybe it’s because the rest of the city is already too claustrophobic. Maybe it’s because all the SUVs that we’re building these days are too big for those streets anyway. I love these wide-open, super-sized streets of The Sunset that just fall out into the beach or just fall off a cliff.

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It also makes for some killer skating videos. I discovered this one directed by Matt Stanley the other day. I love all the loud tacky colored homes in the background; the bright lime florescent green house just a few feet down from the Pepto-Bismol florescent pink house. It feels like it could be the backdrop to a cheap 1980’s video game, but we really do live like this out here.





The Outer Sunset Has Some Killer Views.

21 03 2009

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That hill with the trees to the left of Sutro Tower is Grand View Park and is one of the hidden gems of San Francisco.

Technically, it’s more in the Inner Sunset’s jurisdiction but I have this whole Outer Sunset url and Outer Sunset theme going on right now so I’m going to give it some air time anyway.

I love the job they did on the stairs too.

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What looks like an empty parking lot to the left is the Sunset reservoir, it’s one of my favorite places to watch the sunset. You can easily see it on a sunny day as the giant empty parking lot in the South West part of the city whenever you’re flying in or out of San Francisco.

I also love those wide streets that just fall into the ocean.

The streets of The Outer Sunset are a skater’s paradise and sunny days like this make it all worthwhile.





The Outer Sunset Has Loud Advertising.

19 03 2009

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All of the cigarettes and liquor banners have their own Paul’s Boutique charm, but I’ve always been kind of fond of the Chinese advisements.

Just like in Blade Runner, it’s kind of an obvious reminder that you are somewhere exotic. You’re a stranger in a strange land and (in my case) you don’t even know how to speak the language. But even so, this is your neighborhood. This is where you live.

That’s why I always thought The Outer Sunset would make a perfect backdrop for the next Twin Peak’s David Lynch type show.

The funny part being that Twin Peaks is another neighborhood in San Francisco, so The Outer Sunset already has it’s own built-in market gimmick.

That and the fact that I don’t live in Twin Peaks so I don’t have many pictures of that place and really have no idea what that scene is all about.





The Outer Sunset Has Loud, Tacky Colors.

17 03 2009

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Colors not found in nature. Colors that you would find only in cereal boxes, Saturday morning cartoons, and The 1977 JC Penny Catalog

Here’s just a few.

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The purple itself wouldn’t be that bad, but to add on two extra floors and paint them pink and then yellow? Really, guy? Is that really how you want to express yourself?

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And this one has the winning combination of a Malibu Stacy shades of yellow, pink, and green with the added bonus of having Purple Rain living across the street.

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I actually love the blood red color of this house. This house gets an A.

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And this is one of the more infamous loud, tacky, colored structures in The Outer Sunset.

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I always imagined that if The Joker had a lair in San Francisco this would be it.

Way to keep a low profile there, Joker.





Golden Gate Pharmacy

17 03 2009

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This building always struck me as being really odd. It has a phallic type structure sticking out which isn’t that uncommon, there are lots of phallic chimneys and towers in The Outer Sunset. It’s also painted in this tacky greenish type color, which again isn’t all that unusual. There are lots of loud, tacky colors in The Outer Sunset. But what nails it is the combination of a sickly greenish phallic structure with spots as the building for Golden Gate Pharmacy.

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Normally whenever I see green spots on the wall I think “I’ve had too much fun and I better gear down before the room starts spinning” and if I were to ever see green spots on my dick I’d probably think “I just fucked something I should not have and now my life has become a horrible STD commercial.” But maybe that’s all part of Golden Gate Pharmacy’s covert marketing strategy. Don’t ask me. I don’t know.





Horny Succulents

7 03 2009

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While walking home from Safeway today I noticed that some of my neighbors succulents were in heat so I took some pictures.

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If I was in charge of designing a futuristic alien type city and wanted it to feel more organic than Lando’s cloud city of Bespin or the Ewoks Endor village, I would base my blueprints off of succulents in heat. They have these great towers and then there’s all this detail in the head of the flower as it starts to bloom.

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Where the N Judah meets the Pacific Ocean.

20 02 2009

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Normally it’s really foggy and overcast in The Sunset, especially by the beach. However, with the exception of the recent storms, the weather lately has been fucking amazing. Sunny, with mid-to-high 70s, and a light off shore breeze. It’s every Southern Californian fantasy of every Beach Boys song rolled into a single glorious afternoon. And this is our winter. Let’s hear it for global warming!

I just recently rediscovered the N Judah bus stop at Ocean Beach and fell in love with it. This has got to be my favorite bus stop in the city.

What a great day not to be chained down to a cubicle.

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Love the thorny succulents with flowers. Nice touch.

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I love succulents.

18 02 2009

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These guys are my favorite plants. Succulents are survivors. They don’t bitch. They’re not high maintenance. You don’t even have to water then. You just stick succulents into the earth and not only do they grow, but they dominate. Sometimes over each other.

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These plants are indigenous to The Outer Sunset. And in the spring they grow these enormous erections. They’re like the John Holmes of the plant kingdom. Large and in charge. What’s not to love?

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Several years ago I was using what few days I had of my vacation time to find a new roommate and do some home improvement projects. Winnie and I saw a commercial for a Wednesday sale at Mervyns and decided on a spur of the moment to go buy some clothes. Other couples spend their vacations in Hawaii or Las Vegas. Winnie and I tool around the house and go party at Mervyns. We were being broke years before it was trendy…

Normally I can see my car from my living room, but it was a no parking day and I left the Saturn a block away. Winnie and I were walking down a street that we normally never would have, when we looked over and saw that one of our neighbors had his compost receptacle out and it was OVERFLOWING with these fresh cut succulents. It was amazing. We scrapped the Mervyns plan in a heartbeat. Instead, we grabbed as many succulents as we could carry and then trafficked the unwanted plants back to my place. And then went back for more. It took about 3 trips to get them all back. We planted what we could and then went to Home Depot to buy pots and soil for the rest.

Fast forward a few years later and Mervyns is now one of the more vicious casualties of this death spiral economy. Mervyns did not pay out unused vacation days to their laid off employees and even froze their 401K. Fucking scandalous. Mervyns is dead and gone but the succulents are still dominating their environment. I love these plants.

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Crazy Guy’s House.

16 02 2009

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There are 3 things that instantly come to mind whenever I think of the suburbs.

There’s The Wonder Years. This sick with nostalgia feeling of different, goofy, outdated, salad day moments in all these different suburbs and Navy housing units that I grew up in. And this isn’t a recent phenomenon. Generations of Americans have been raised in the suburbs since the post-WW2 boom and they each have their own goofy, outdated, corny memories of growing up in those housing units that are special to them.

There’s swimming pools & punk rock. There’s everything from the Bad Religion punk rock, Blink 182 suburban punk rock, and straight edge punk rock as a rebuttal to the conformity of the suburbs. During the droughts of the 1980’s Los Angeles homeowners would let their backyard pools run dry to conserve water and that in turn directly created the vertical skateboard movement. Last year, people were abandoning their homes because they couldn’t make their mortgage payments in such great number that there was an explosion of West Nile virus in southern California because nobody was maintaining all these polluted swimming pools. Punk rock & The Law of Unintended Consequences.

And then there’s The Home Owner’s Association, the mafia of the suburbs. Drunk on power and accountable to no one, they are The Law of the suburbs. Leave your Christmas lights or Halloween pumpkins out too late after the holidays and the first time you’ll get a warning, the 2nd time you’ll get a ticket. If you want to build a fence or make a landscaping change you need their blessings. If you want to paint your wall you have to get written permission from them beforehand. Even if it’s the same color. Revolutions have been fought over slighter grievances.

That’s why Crazy Guy’s House is so ironic.

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At 90 some years, The Outer Sunset has got to be one of the oldest suburbs on the West Coast. Yet, there’s no Home Owner’s Association out here. Because there’s no way in Hell that this house would exist in any other suburb in California that had one. I’m part of the David Best fan club and I’m all for transforming trash into art…but sorry, sometimes trash put up on a pedestal is still just trash. Crazy Man’s House is a windmill of crap. On a windy day you can hear Crazy Man’s House from half a block away. If I lived near this guy it would drive me crazy over time, yet in the 14 years that I’ve lived out here not only has he not been forced to take his shit down, but dude has actually added to his collection.

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That’s why life in The Outer Sunset is so surreal. Like a David Lynch movie. Or a bad youtube video. It’s own little piece of the Twilight Zone where the laws of physics, zoning violations, and common sense don’t always exist. It’s very weird.

Nice purple succulents though –

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