Best of Golden Gate Park. 2009. FREE.

31 12 2009

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love Golden Gate Park

GGP is larger than Central Park, Narnia, and Middle-Earth combined. That’s a fact, you can look it up on wikipedia. I’ve spent over a decade exploring GGP and there are still parts of the park that are new to me and fun to get lost in.

So this is my homage to the year 2009 in the greatest, free, multi-billion dollar, urban backyard that mankind has ever created.

That and I somehow managed to make it through another year without getting bit by some homeless kids dog. Yeah!

hippy hill 1

DJ Garth (Wicked) VS SFPD. DJ Tribal Stompy-Stomp. Golden Gate Park. 2009. Sometimes in life you get what you paid for. FREE 2

Best of Golden Gate Park. 2009. 3

Best of Golden Gate Park. 2009. 2

dope threads son 2.o

Tour De Fat. Golden Gate Park. 2009. FREE 1

Bay to Breakers 2009 2

Best of Golden Gate Park. 2009. 4

Tour De Fat. Golden Gate Park. 2009. FREE 2

The Brass Tax free party in Golden Gate Park 2

Best of Golden Gate Park. 2009. 6

Hippy Hill on a sunny day. San Francisco’s Indian Summer in Golden Gate Park 2009 2

Hippy Hill on 420 18

Tour De Fat. Golden Gate Park. 2009. FREE 3

golden gate park 2009

Crusty punk pirates seize the Janis Joplin tree 1

Best of Golden Gate Park. 2009. 11

Best of Golden Gate Park. 2009. 69





The Hello Kitty Car Salutes This Day.

30 12 2009

Hello Kitty Mobile of The Outer Sunset

The Outer Sunset might as well be renamed New Chinatown. My neighborhood is primarily Asian, mostly Chinese, and some of my more creative neighbors have converted their cars into neat little pop culture shrines. If Tera Patrick ever moved into The Outer Sunset I’d imagine she’d have a Hello Kitty shrine like this in her car too.

I was fortunate enough this day to find the Hello Kitty car parked facing towards the beach as the sun set, so it’s a clear shot. I love also that they chose to have the dashboard idol facing towards the windshield instead of towards the driver. Makes for a great picture.

I wasn’t as lucky with this green themed car and it was foggy and overcast that day. Hey, welcome to The Outer Sunset.

New Chinatown 7

Notice how both these cars are very color coordinated. Even down to the green lid of the Lysol hand wipes next to the baby seat in the back. You know the color of a product is a deal breaker with this family when it comes to what they will buy and put in their car. They could be at Target and there could be some hand wipes with a pink lid that were half the price of the green lid hand wipes and if anyone dared to put the pink lid hand wipes in the cart the parents would be all “What the fuck is wrong with you? We’re down with green, you know that. You want to buy any of that pink shit than you might as well go ride with that Hello Kitty family and ask them to adopt you as well because you ain’t no child of mine. Now put that pink crap back where you found it before I have to decapitate you like all those stuffed animals that weren’t down with green”

New Chinatown 9





Priscilla – Queen of The Outer Sunset.

28 12 2009

Priscilla Queen of The Outer Sunset 1

If the gay mafia ever bough a house in The Outer Sunset I’d bet they’d move into this mini-fortress. And not just because of the pepto-bismol pink color of the house or the quaint white picket fence, but also because of the shear size of the house.

Corner houses are traditionally larger homes, but this is one of the most extreme examples of that rule that I’ve seen out here. It’s like a fortress of pinkness. Check out how she’s almost twice the size of her serf neighbors downhill.

Priscilla Queen of The Outer Sunset 2

Big Pink Gay House FTW.





But Uncle Owen, I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!

22 12 2009

But Uncle Owen, I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters 1

If they ever built any suburbs on Tatooine I’d imagine they would look a lot like this.





The Outer Sunset – Manifest Destiny

12 12 2009

I just finished reading Jason Aaron’s Wolverine – Manifest Destiny mini series as part of the X-Men – Manifest Destiny collection. The other stories were crap but the Jason Aaron story was a pretty fun ride. The X-Men have just relocated to San Francisco and Wolverine has violated a 50-year-old ban by entering Chinatown that results in an epic kung-fu beat-down, training, and then revenge/ redemption story.

I guess it’s obvious, if not somewhat safe, to put the story in Chinatown because even people not familiar with San Francisco can figure out what kind of neighborhood Chinatown is.

I still maintain that The Outer Sunset is a far more versatile neighborhood that you can tell several different kinds of stories in.

The Outer Sunset has loud Chinese and English advertising that makes a great background for any kind of kung-fu or Blade Runner type story.

The Outer Sunset is littered with these beautiful miniature castles, Hansel and Gretel type homes, and suburbs on acid that would make for great surreal or head-trip stories.

And then you have some straight up batshit crazy neighbors.

With locals that drive around in Burning Man art cars or demon busses.

The Outer Sunset is like living on the set of the weirdest movie David Lynch never got around to making.

I really love this house in The Outer Sunset.

The Outer Sunset - Manifest Destiny 1

It’s your classic San Francisco kung-fu house.

The Outer Sunset - Manifest Destiny 5

I could brainstorm an entire X-Men mini-series just off of this house.

 The Outer Sunset - Manifest Destiny 4

Here’s my pitch –

The Outer Sunset - Manifest Destiny 7

This is Mr. Hung’s house.

1969 –

Back in the late 60’s Mr. Hung was this 20-year-old Jet Li looking kind of guy with this rad Jim Lee hair and bitching yakuza tattoos.

Mr. Hung is China’s #1 spy and the world’s #1 assassin. He’s the best there is at what he does.

Back before he was in The X-Men and was in Weapon X or Strikeforce X or whatever, Wolverine is loaned off to this ultimate black-opts project that no-one has words or even clearance levels for and finds himself working with Mr. Hung.

They don’t like each other.

They’re off with Nick Fury, the previous Dr. Strange, and Snake Eyes on a covert mission to seek and destroy a downed unidentified astral object.

2009 –

Mr. Hung is this Sammo Hung looking kind of guy who actually looks like he’s 40 years older.

40 very haggard years older.

He’s a few feet shorter, has almost no hair with a receding hairline, a potbelly, and is always wearing a goofy Hawaiian t-shirt. Now that the X-Men are in San Francisco, Logan always comes over to crash on Mr. Hung’s couch in The Outer Sunset whenever he needs to unwind and heal in private. They have a much better rapport these days. There’s a Jacuzzi and an endless supply of beer in the back yard with a bitching view of the sunset.

The Outer Sunset - Manifest Destiny 11

I love the backyard too.

The Outer Sunset - Manifest Destiny 3

This is actually from a completely different Outer Sunset house but I’m gonna take some artistic liberty and fuse the 2 of these images together for the sake of my pitch.

Mr. Hung’s tattoos are all fucked-up now. There are scars, bullet holes, stab wounds, claw marks, cigarette burns, electrical burns, farmer tans, and a potbelly. It’s a mess.

Logan’s giving him a hard time and is all

“Jesus Christ, Hung. Who does your touch-up work these days? GG Allin?”

And Mr. Hung is all,

“Tell me about it. kid. When I was young and stupid I used to be into tattoos, Now that I know better I’m into scars. Each one tells a different story about how it fucked-up my life”

Camera zooms into Mr. Hung’s right arm and this lengthwise burn in the form of an iron chain.

1969 –

Escape pod from Hell has just crash landed in Vietnam.

4 Ghost Riders hit the ground running at 100 miles per hour in opposite directions.

Wolverine + crew destroy them all in less than 3 issues but in the process they also massacre half of an early Private Frank Castle’s platoon in seconds.

Hearts, minds, blood, guts, and demon curses are splattered everywhere. It’s a bloodbath.

And that’s my pitch for the –

Punisher Ghost Rider Wolverine – Manifest Destiny mini series.

Sign Jason Aaron onboard and that’s just money in the bank.





The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner

11 12 2009

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner

Aluminum can recycling is big business in The Outer Sunset and no one takes it as seriously as the old Chinese ladies. Other people hop in their cars and drive their cans to the Safeway parking lot on Noriega for cash. The old Chinese ladies load up their carts, sometimes up to three times their body mass, and then push it on up the road. Hardcore.

This lady doesn’t have it too bad. She’s headed westbound on Moraga so it’s relatively downhill on a quiet road and the few uphill parts aren’t that steep. I love her hat to. Old people have rad, practical fashion accessories.

What’s nuts are the people that live down by the beach and push their carts uphill on Ortega. That hill kicks my ass just riding my bike up it, I can only imagine if I was 30 years older and pushing a cart three times my size up that hill on a regular basis.

There’s this one couple that I’ve watched do that for years now. They have to be in their 60s or 70s, yet a few times each month I’ll see them trek up Ortega street and the funny thing is that the wife always kicks her husband’s ass. She’s easily a block ahead of him by the time they get into the final stretch. They both definitely define what it means to have a serious work ethic.





Longboarding in The Outer Sunset.

9 12 2009

Video courtesy of aaaknot30

I really dig these Outer Sunset skating videos and find myself watching the houses flying by as much as the skaters. If I was a real estate agent I think I would commission these guys to tape the neighborhood of any homes I wanted to sell. It’s an interesting way to showcase real estate, not just as still pictures of a house but also video of the neighborhood that the house lives in.

But this block on 21st Ave always struck me as being odd.

90% of the block is very much cookie-cutter homes. It’s pretty much the exact same house xeroxed off right next to each other with a few variations. The difference from any other American suburb being that Outer Sunset homes have colors that you’d expect to find in a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. Looks like Poppa Smurf lives in this one.

Papa Smurf house of The Outer Sunset

But these two homes always struck me as being really odd.

Enigmas of The Outer Sunset

Out of nowhere, there are two completely different kinds of houses right next to each other.

The one of the left looks like something you would find in the Berkley Hills. That’s an intense driveway and a patio on the 1st floor, then another patio with the entrance to the house on the 2nd floor. It’s very different from any other house on the block. I imagine the person who lives here has cats, listens to NPR, and is a big fan of chai tea.

Then check out his neighbor. A boring 3 story house that I would expect to see in Baltimore or some place that gets a lot of snow in the winter. It’s also the only 3 story building on a block of houses that are all 2 story, so you know the people that live here are kind of cocky about having the tallest house on the block. I keep expecting to bump into Gavin Newsom coming out of this house.

I can only imagine why these homes were built this way. Maybe Henry Doelger was out that week and the crew was all “Fuck it. We’re tired of building the same house over and over again. Let’s do a Berkeley house over here and spin the wheel to see what to put next to it…uh, a boring 3 story East Coast house? Sure, why not. No one will notice.”

RELATED POSTS –

Lords of Sunset

The Outer Sunset Has Loud, Tacky Colors





Dear Salsa Del Sol, Can you please sell your Jalapeno Hot Sauce in a bottle? You know, like, in a store and on a shelf with all the other hot sauces.

9 12 2009

Salsa Del Sol Jalapeno Hot Sauce 1

I don’t want to tell you how to do your job Salsa Del Sol, but if you have a Marketing Department, or a New Business Development Department, or even a Public Relations Department, you might want to crunch the numbers and think about selling your Jalapeno Hot Sauce not just in 0.3125-Ounce Single Serve Packages, but, say, in a 8 ounce or 16 ounce bottle.

People like going to grocery stores, bulk discount stores, and Asian import stores to buy their hot sauces. We usually buy them in bottles so it’s easy to use what you want and then save the rest for later.

We really love your Salsa Del Sol Jalapeno Hot Sauce. Unfortunately it doesn’t make much sense to spend $37 (with shipping) to have 500 individual single serving packages. It takes up space in the fridge and you don’t even want to try and save part of an unused package. That’s a mess.

You guys have a great product and unfortunately the only way we’re able to get it right now is to bribe the local pizza place for extra, extra, packets. That money could instead be going directly into your pockets.

Salsa Del Sol Jalapeno Hot Sauce 2

RELATED POSTS –

Yank Sing’s Chili Pepper Sauce





Tsunami Warnings of The Outer Sunset.

3 12 2009

Great picture of last week’s high surf advisory courtesy of George Nikitin

I love that image of those Outer Sunset homes standing their ground and staring down those 25 – 30 foot waves.

Not only is The Outer Sunset built on sand dunes and the San Andreas fault line… which is really not that great a combination when you think about it.

Not only is The Outer Sunset on some days pretty much a tropical rainforest ecosystem….everyone is all “Save the Rainforest! Save the Rainforest!” OK. Try living in a tropical rainforest kind of neighborhood where you have to bleach the walls on a regular basis to kill the mold and the fog is eating your car alive every night. There are days that the news is all about “Watch out for that heat-wave that’s scorching the Bay Area” and I look outside my window and all I can see is Jack the Ripper era London fog.

Not only that, but we also have the threat of Tsunamis. Right here in San Francisco.

Tsunami Warnings of The Outer Sunset. 1

So in case there’s a Tsunami you want to run in this direction.

Hint, it’s in the direction directly opposite from the beach.

I love this sign too.

Tsunami Warnings of The Outer Sunset. 3

Because it’s San Francisco everyone looks like they are safe.

Now if this were San Diego the adult stick figures would be making a mad dash to the top and in the process dislocating the child’s arm.

I love this neighborhood.

RELATED POSTS –

The Outer Sunset Has FREE Curbside Parking Right By The Beach.





The Inverted Burning Man Head Plate.

30 11 2009

Tar-Hong Red Life Pattern Inverted Burning Man Head Plate. 1

The Tar-Hong Red “Life” Pattern plate is one of my favorite plates. It’s very much an Outer Sunset thing and a San Francisco Asian thing in general. You can buy these plastic plates in most Asian import stores and you’ll find that both locals and restaurants use them because whether you have kids in the house or you’re running a restaurant, plastic plates tend not to break when you accidentally drop them on the ground so you get a much better return on your investment.

Tar-Hong Red Life Pattern Inverted Burning Man Head Plate. 2

The design is really nice and if you’ll look carefully you’ll see an Earth-2 Burning Man character woven into the design. Look carefully.

Tar-Hong Red Life Pattern Inverted Burning Man Head Plate. 3

That’s like Burning Man’s evil twin. All you have to do is swing that triangle head upside down and you have The Man right there. He even has his own smiling cloud like altar.

And that would also be a great promotional idea.

Dear Tar-Hong ,

I’ve got a great promotional idea for you.

In June of 2010 release a limited edition version of the Tar-Hong Red “Life” Pattern plate with some alterations –

Rotate the head on your stick figure 90 degrees

Remove the mandarin characters in the white circles and replace them with a flaming lotus or flaming Jiffy Lube or flaming whatever.

Sneak in the year 2010 somewhere into the design.

Tweak some of the smaller designs but keep the overall layout and the border the same. That’s a good look. Don’t fix what isn’t broken.

Market it as the limited edition Tar-Hong Red “John Law” Pattern.

It’s a perfect product for Burners. Everyone has to have a plate to eat his or her food on the playa and you don’t want it to be a paper plate that will generate trash. These plates have already proven that they are incredibly sturdy and can hold up in desert use for several years. I’ve had my plates for over a decade now and even though they show their age I have no plans to replace them anytime soon. Release it as a limited edition product leading up to August and then discontinue it.

Release a 2011 edition plate with some alterations to make it unique in July 2011. Maybe we can weave a Smiley Face into the pattern of that one and release it as the limited edition Tar-Hong Red “15th Anniversary of The Friends of Smiley” Pattern.

Rinse. Cycle. Repeat.