Priscilla – Queen of The Outer Sunset.

28 12 2009

Priscilla Queen of The Outer Sunset 1

If the gay mafia ever bough a house in The Outer Sunset I’d bet they’d move into this mini-fortress. And not just because of the pepto-bismol pink color of the house or the quaint white picket fence, but also because of the shear size of the house.

Corner houses are traditionally larger homes, but this is one of the most extreme examples of that rule that I’ve seen out here. It’s like a fortress of pinkness. Check out how she’s almost twice the size of her serf neighbors downhill.

Priscilla Queen of The Outer Sunset 2

Big Pink Gay House FTW.

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But Uncle Owen, I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!

22 12 2009

But Uncle Owen, I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters 1

If they ever built any suburbs on Tatooine I’d imagine they would look a lot like this.





The Outer Sunset – Manifest Destiny

12 12 2009

I just finished reading Jason Aaron’s Wolverine – Manifest Destiny mini series as part of the X-Men – Manifest Destiny collection. The other stories were crap but the Jason Aaron story was a pretty fun ride. The X-Men have just relocated to San Francisco and Wolverine has violated a 50-year-old ban by entering Chinatown that results in an epic kung-fu beat-down, training, and then revenge/ redemption story.

I guess it’s obvious, if not somewhat safe, to put the story in Chinatown because even people not familiar with San Francisco can figure out what kind of neighborhood Chinatown is.

I still maintain that The Outer Sunset is a far more versatile neighborhood that you can tell several different kinds of stories in.

The Outer Sunset has loud Chinese and English advertising that makes a great background for any kind of kung-fu or Blade Runner type story.

The Outer Sunset is littered with these beautiful miniature castles, Hansel and Gretel type homes, and suburbs on acid that would make for great surreal or head-trip stories.

And then you have some straight up batshit crazy neighbors.

With locals that drive around in Burning Man art cars or demon busses.

The Outer Sunset is like living on the set of the weirdest movie David Lynch never got around to making.

I really love this house in The Outer Sunset.

The Outer Sunset - Manifest Destiny 1

It’s your classic San Francisco kung-fu house.

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I could brainstorm an entire X-Men mini-series just off of this house.

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Here’s my pitch –

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This is Mr. Hung’s house.

1969 –

Back in the late 60’s Mr. Hung was this 20-year-old Jet Li looking kind of guy with this rad Jim Lee hair and bitching yakuza tattoos.

Mr. Hung is China’s #1 spy and the world’s #1 assassin. He’s the best there is at what he does.

Back before he was in The X-Men and was in Weapon X or Strikeforce X or whatever, Wolverine is loaned off to this ultimate black-opts project that no-one has words or even clearance levels for and finds himself working with Mr. Hung.

They don’t like each other.

They’re off with Nick Fury, the previous Dr. Strange, and Snake Eyes on a covert mission to seek and destroy a downed unidentified astral object.

2009 –

Mr. Hung is this Sammo Hung looking kind of guy who actually looks like he’s 40 years older.

40 very haggard years older.

He’s a few feet shorter, has almost no hair with a receding hairline, a potbelly, and is always wearing a goofy Hawaiian t-shirt. Now that the X-Men are in San Francisco, Logan always comes over to crash on Mr. Hung’s couch in The Outer Sunset whenever he needs to unwind and heal in private. They have a much better rapport these days. There’s a Jacuzzi and an endless supply of beer in the back yard with a bitching view of the sunset.

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I love the backyard too.

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This is actually from a completely different Outer Sunset house but I’m gonna take some artistic liberty and fuse the 2 of these images together for the sake of my pitch.

Mr. Hung’s tattoos are all fucked-up now. There are scars, bullet holes, stab wounds, claw marks, cigarette burns, electrical burns, farmer tans, and a potbelly. It’s a mess.

Logan’s giving him a hard time and is all

“Jesus Christ, Hung. Who does your touch-up work these days? GG Allin?”

And Mr. Hung is all,

“Tell me about it. kid. When I was young and stupid I used to be into tattoos, Now that I know better I’m into scars. Each one tells a different story about how it fucked-up my life”

Camera zooms into Mr. Hung’s right arm and this lengthwise burn in the form of an iron chain.

1969 –

Escape pod from Hell has just crash landed in Vietnam.

4 Ghost Riders hit the ground running at 100 miles per hour in opposite directions.

Wolverine + crew destroy them all in less than 3 issues but in the process they also massacre half of an early Private Frank Castle’s platoon in seconds.

Hearts, minds, blood, guts, and demon curses are splattered everywhere. It’s a bloodbath.

And that’s my pitch for the –

Punisher Ghost Rider Wolverine – Manifest Destiny mini series.

Sign Jason Aaron onboard and that’s just money in the bank.





Longboarding in The Outer Sunset.

9 12 2009

Video courtesy of aaaknot30

I really dig these Outer Sunset skating videos and find myself watching the houses flying by as much as the skaters. If I was a real estate agent I think I would commission these guys to tape the neighborhood of any homes I wanted to sell. It’s an interesting way to showcase real estate, not just as still pictures of a house but also video of the neighborhood that the house lives in.

But this block on 21st Ave always struck me as being odd.

90% of the block is very much cookie-cutter homes. It’s pretty much the exact same house xeroxed off right next to each other with a few variations. The difference from any other American suburb being that Outer Sunset homes have colors that you’d expect to find in a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. Looks like Poppa Smurf lives in this one.

Papa Smurf house of The Outer Sunset

But these two homes always struck me as being really odd.

Enigmas of The Outer Sunset

Out of nowhere, there are two completely different kinds of houses right next to each other.

The one of the left looks like something you would find in the Berkley Hills. That’s an intense driveway and a patio on the 1st floor, then another patio with the entrance to the house on the 2nd floor. It’s very different from any other house on the block. I imagine the person who lives here has cats, listens to NPR, and is a big fan of chai tea.

Then check out his neighbor. A boring 3 story house that I would expect to see in Baltimore or some place that gets a lot of snow in the winter. It’s also the only 3 story building on a block of houses that are all 2 story, so you know the people that live here are kind of cocky about having the tallest house on the block. I keep expecting to bump into Gavin Newsom coming out of this house.

I can only imagine why these homes were built this way. Maybe Henry Doelger was out that week and the crew was all “Fuck it. We’re tired of building the same house over and over again. Let’s do a Berkeley house over here and spin the wheel to see what to put next to it…uh, a boring 3 story East Coast house? Sure, why not. No one will notice.”

RELATED POSTS –

Lords of Sunset

The Outer Sunset Has Loud, Tacky Colors





And every night I shut my eyes so I don’t have to see the light. Shining so bright I’ll dream about a cloudy sky, a cloudy sky. And every night I shut my eyes but now I’ve got them open wide. You’ve fallen into my hands and now you’re burning me. You’re Burning Man me.

26 08 2009

killer view 2

This house on 30th and Pacheco has one of the most amazing 3rd floor additions. There are a lot of people out here that have attempted to build an additional room onto their house. The majority of them come off as pretty ghetto, but this one is quite spectacular. It’s like a cathedral of light in there as the sun sets.

Here’s what it looks like from the front.

killer view 1

Brilliant use of space. If I lived in this house I don’t ever think I’d leave that 3rd floor.

Excellent job 30th and Pacheco. You got it right.





The Big Lebowski House

24 08 2009

The Big Lebowski house of The Outer Sunset

How sweet is that?

Your house has a miniature castle tower to the left and a bowling pin to the right.

Personally, I could do without the pink. But hey, welcome to The Outer Sunset.

This is how The Dude abides.

***

RELATED POSTS –

The Outer Sunset Has Loud, Tacky Colors





The Odd Couple

19 08 2009

The odd couple1

This miniature 3 story castle to the left is quite amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen another one quite like it out here. And it makes an even more amazing contrast to the surfer shack to the right. I could sell this right now as a primetime TV pilot.

Here’s my pitch –

The King from Role Models lives in the castle and he’s neighbors with these jackass reality TV kid surfer genius protégés. You want to hate them but each episode they seem to help people work through their problems. The Force is strong with them. They are the Fonzie’s of the show and they are played by Michael Cera and McLovin.

Yeah, I agree. Those guys have already been typecast waaaay too much as the shy, nerd types. Michael Cera especially is really talented; I would really like to see him play a different character already.

The odd couple 2

AAAARHOOOO!

Architecture Of The Outer Sunset.3

The “Dude, Where’s My Car?” guys live here. None of their one-night stands have any kind of respect for them the next day when they wake up and see the color of their house. All the neighborhood kids make fun of them in public and even bust out into these elaborately choreographed break dancing disses whenever they’re trying to score at Safeway.

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Gary Busey is The Wacky Next Door Neighbor that lives on the other side of the Sunset but is always hanging out in their living rooms.

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Slim Shady is the filthy rich Paris Hilton type diva of the Entourage.

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And this is their ride.

It’s a 24-hour on-call bus large enough to carry them and whatever small groups of people that they picked up along the way that night. Their driver / bodyguard is Kato. He was just recently kicked out of the Yakuza for reasons he doesn’t really feel like talking about right now.

Sammo Hung was born to play this role.

golden gate pharmacy 2

And they all hang out at Ron Jeremy’s pharmacy shop.

Gotta have my agent set up a meeting to pitch this to NBC as a companion piece for this fall’s Community